True Portland History. This old Portland dude invited his uppercrust East Coast asshole friends out to see his town, Portland town, and they were not impressed, saw it as a hillbilly backwoods town, called it "Stumptown" because the streets of downtown were filled with stumps. They went back home to their mansions in New England. The Portland dude was all pissed off and got a bunch of dynamite and blew all the stumps to smithereens. When the dust cleared, he invited his uppercrust East Coast asshole friends back out to see the progress. The rainy season had descended, and his friends were not impressed. All the stumps in the roads were now giant potholes filled with mud, so they still made fun of his frontier town and called it "Puddletown." Both the names circulated (and are still around today) and that really pissed off the Portland dude, so he planted a bunch of roses, and declared it the City of Roses. And then a slurry of bands started punk rocking out. That's it, all you need to know about Portland for now.